USAWA

by Thom Van Vleck

(Webmasters note:  This was written by Thom 10 years ago in the Bramaer Stone Tablet, but I think he was on to something.  Since I have just reread this, I have taken notice that Dave is “lurking” in the background of several pictures I have of Thom.  IS THIS JUST A COINCIDENCE??? )

I am writing this to make everyone aware that Dave Glasgow is stalking me, and just in case he is successful and I am found dead under “mysterious” circumstances.  You may be next.

1.   I am judging the Mid-America Masters in 2002.   Dave is throwing the 22lb hammer and I am safely behind the cage carefully watching him for any transgression of the rules.  Suddenly, the hammer head comes off the handle and it punctures the cage hitting me in my ankle.  The impact tattooed the pattern of my sock into the ball of my ankle.  Luckily, my “cat like” reflexes allowed me to move before the hammer took my whole leg off causing me to bleed to death.  I’m not sure how Dave got that hammer head to come off at that precise moment, but he’s old and crafty (esp. old).  Then, and I’m not sure how he did it, but when I got home my water heater had burst flooding my house.  I’m not sure how he drove 185 miles to my house and sabotaged my water heater (after all, it was only 20 years old and barely half covered with rust), but he did it and got back to KC in between throws.

2.  At that time, I was thinking it just a coincidence.  However, as I read through an old issue of Dan DeWelt’s old magazine I spied a picture of me throwing the stone.  Not that it was unusual that there was a picture of me, a top notch athlete (I would say world class, but I don’t like to brag….my wife once told me that…. but she stuttered at the end which made it sound like she said “World class ass”, but that was just a stutter… I’m sure).  At any rate, as I admired the picture of myself and the fine form I was demonstrating I saw it.  There he was, Dave Glasgow, standing in the background staring at me.  Obviously, he was casing me out at that early time, but I had been unaware.  But now I was on to him.

3.   I began to notice Dave was everywhere.  It seemed that nearly half the highland games I went to, Dave was there, too.   Obviously this was getting serious.  He was following me.  But I had to be cool, and not let him know I was onto him.  I needed to keep the element of surprise on my side.  I told only a few my suspicions, but they all obviously agreed.  When I pointed out the picture of Dave “stalking” me, Steve Scott looked at me and laughed (obviously to keep from arousing suspicions) and said, “Oh, sure, obviously”.  And then he quickly left and didn’t talk to me again all day, which I am sure was to keep from arousing suspicions.

4.  Most recently, Dave came up to my HASA championships.  Sure, he was acting so nice, giving me a pitch fork, custom made, and acting as a judge for me.  But I was on to him.  However, Dave is a crafty one.  I was able to keep him in my sites all day, but the bastard waited until I was asleep.  He came out and sabotaged my sewer line that night causing my basement to flood.  Then, just to rub salt in the wound, he came out to my house to “visit” me and then when I went to show him my basement workout area only to find it flooded, he pretended he didn’t know a thing and actually tried to help me fix it.  Oh sure, he seems like a nice guy, but let this be your warning.  Dave Glasgow is a Stalker!!!!!!!!!!!

CREDIT:  The Braemar Stone Tablet, Volume #4 Issue #4