Author Archives: Al Myers

Old Time Strongman

by Al Myers

John O'Brien, of the JWC, takes a 270 pound dumbbell to his shoulder at the First Ever USAWA Old Time Strongman Championships. This new Old Time Strongman Event mimics loading events in Strongman, but instead of loading something to a platform, the lifter has to take the dumbbell from the floor to the shoulder. Only at the JWC would the dumbbell be loaded with Old Jackson plates, which is very fitting!!!

It really gave me a good feeling that the FIRST EVER USAWA Old Time Strongman (OTSM)  Championships was such a great success.  Thom did an EXCELLENT JOB of hosting this event at his gym, the JWC Training Hall.   Even though the USAWA only hosted two of these OTSM meets this year, I see this division of the USAWA as one that will grow over time.  Actually, it is probably a good thing that we are growing at a slow pace with this, as it allows us to get “our ducks in a row”.   This allows time to develop the proper protocols in administrating these competitions, as well as time to develop a good selection of OTSM events that will be contested.  I’m hoping next year to have at least four of these Old Time Strongman Competitions within the sanction of the USAWA.  Thom has already agreed to host next’s years Championship so we know we will have that as the “finale”.   Eric Todd has showed interest in hosting one in his gym this upcoming spring, and the Dino Gym has one planned for next July.  

I want to say a few general words about these changes that are happening in the USAWA.  Most USAWA lifters have been very supportive of these changes, but I have received a few comments from people, that as I would say, are “reserved” in their feelings on this.  When changes happen in any aspect in life, it is sometimes unfortable and takes adjustment on an individuals part.   It is easy to just keep doing things as they are always done, but sometimes changes are needed to “spark things”.  This is how I feel about the USAWA branching into Strongman.  We have been struggling for years as an organization in keeping adequate membership to stimulate enough revenue (in membership dues) to keep functioning.  Old Time Strongman will stimulate membership from lifters who may be only interested in these competitions, but a FEW will also compete in the traditional All Round Meets as well since they are already members of the USAWA.  It is a sure thing that it will increase USAWA membership. Strongman is no different than other “niche” competitive areas within the USAWA that already exist.  I talking specially about the Heavy Lifts and the Grip Meets that the USAWA has sanctioned.

I want to explain a few goals and formative ideas I have about this Old Time Strongman.  First of all, in no way do I want to imitate Strongman Competitions that already exist.  If a lifter wants to compete in those, there are plenty of opportunities for this.  We have sanctioned several of those Strongman Competitions in the Dino Gym by NAS through the years.  Instead, I want to share some of my “founding principles” of the USAWA Old Time Strongman so everyone will know where I’m coming from.

1.  General Rules of the USAWA will apply.  This includes using lifts that have established WRITTEN RULES in the Rulebook.  Rules of weightlifting will apply with the 3 attempts allowed per lift, and a lifter will be able to CHOOSE what weight they want to attempt.  No set weight implements will be allowed.  No events for time will be allowed.  Medley type events will not be done. This allows anyone, regardless of ability, to be able to compete.  Also, the USAWA scoring system already in place for our meets will be used.  Bodyweight and age correction will be applied to total pounds lifted.   Now if a meet director wants to have awards for BEST LIFTER for age groups or age divisions that is not a problem, as that is already allowed for any other USAWA meet. 

2.  Drug testing will be done according to the USAWA guidelines.  Most other organization’s Strongman Competitions are not drug tested. We will drug test! This will allow those drug free lifters to be able to compete against others who are also drug free. 

3.  The Old Time Strongman Events will be of such as to honor a lift/event done by an Old Time Strongman.  This goes right along with our mission statement of the USAWA, to honor lifts done by Old Time Strongmen.  No “modern” Strongmen events will be contested – such as stone loading, farmers walks, yoke carries, etc.  Like I said before, there are plenty of other places to do those events in competition.  Also, most of these Old Time Strongman Events will be done using just using a bar or dumbbell/dumbells.  The use of specialized equipment in events will be limited, however, a few events will have them.  I talking about unique lifts like the Dinnie Lift. 

4.  All of these Old Time Strongman Events will have “loose rules” compared to other All Round lifts.  Several of these OTSM events will be partial movements, unlike traditional All Round lifts.  I am hoping that eventually we will reach a list of around 20 “GOOD” OTSM lifts in our Rulebook so meet directors will have a good list to chose from for a meet. Finally, all of these lifts will have the minute clock, meaning a lifter gets as many tries within a minute to complete the lift on their attempt.  No missed attempts on technicalities!! 

I could see meet directors having an OTSM in which other All Round lifts might be included in the meet  list of events.   A lot of our other already established All Round lifts would fit “perfectly” into an OTSM meet.  Lifts like the Crucifix and Two Hands Anyhow pretty much meet the criteria of an Old Time Strongman lift.  But if these lifts are done in an OTSM meet, their rule as stated in the Rulebook must be followed, and not deviated from.  This is essential so records in these lifts can be maintained.  As you can see from these “founding principles”, Old Time Strongman will be a cross between modern Stongman and weightlifting.  I’m really excited about this – and I’m looking forward to what the future will bring!

Delaware Open

by Al Myers

Les Cramer, of Team Cramer, performing a 290 pound Zercher Lift in the 2011 Delaware Valley Open Post Meet.

I just received the results from John Wilmot for the “third quarter installment” of the USAWA Postal Series.  This meet is named the Delaware Valley Open Postal Meet – in reference to the John’s home state.  The turnout might be considered “slightly down” from previous postal meets, but I understand how the entry deadline seems to “creep up” on you and before you know it, the deadline has passed.  It about happened to me on this one.   I want to remind everyone that each of these postal meets you compete in will add points to your total for the year in calculating the years USAWA postal champion. The next one up is the National Postal Meet which counts DOUBLE, so make sure not to miss that one!  John has already sent me the sanctions for all the Postal Series Competitions NEXT YEAR, so I would say our postal competitions are in “good hands” with John being the director.  We really owe him a “pat on the back” for all that he has done for the USAWA.  I also want to remind everyone that these competitions are FREE OF CHARGE to compete in, and all competitors receive certificates for competing in them.

One thing that really impressed me with this Postal Meet is the “new blood” that competed.  I noticed several new lifters in the list.  LaVerne Myers is not a newcomer to the USAWA as he has been competing for a few years, but this is his first entry in a postal meet.  I also want to point out the new participation from TEAM CRAMER of Springfield, Illinois, with Les Cramer and Marcus Synder competing.  I am really glad to see that.  Les is an ole’ crafty veteran of weightlifting, and has been involved through the years with many lifting organizations and  different types of lifting, including powerlifting and Olympic Lifting.  In a letter he sent to John which John passed on to me, he stated this is the 24th lifting organization he has competed in since 1964, which includes 366 meets, 40 squat World Records, and 7 Powerlifting World Titles.  He is the current Masters National and American Masters Olympic Lifting Champion. He has also won the Pan-Am Games.  He has recently faced some physical difficulties, having been diagnosed with cancer.  These are his words, “I have recently returned to competition after two bouts with cancer.  The good news is after my birthday on November 4th I will move up an age group and down a weight class.  I do well with anything that has to do with the Snatch/Clean and Jerk, or the Squat or Bench.  Not much of a puller.”.  I want to point out that Les did a 290 pound Zercher Lift in this postal meet.  That is quite an amazing Zercher Lift!  Welcome to the fun of the USAWA Les!!!

MEET RESULTS

2011 Delaware Valley Open Postal Meet
September 30th, 2011

Meet Director:  John Wilmot

Lifts: Push Press – From Rack, Swing – Dumbbell, One Arm, Zercher Lift

Lifters using a Certified USAWA Official (1 official system used for all lifters):

Al Myers – Official LaVerne Myers
LaVerne Myers – Official Al Myers
Denny Habecker – Official Judy Habecker

Lifters using a non-certified judge:

John Wilmot – Judge Kay Wilmot
Orie Barnett – Judge Sam Rogers
Les Cramer – Judge Monica Cook

Lifter Age BWT PPress Swing Zercher Total Points
Al Myers 45 257 300 140-R 420 860 713.3
Les Cramer 69 188 170 65-L 290 525 631.6
Orie Barnett 50 231 216 100-R 332 648 594.1
Denny Habecker 68 190 154 70-R 198 422 501.7
John Wilmot 64 214 120 50-R 205 375 403.5
LaVerne Myers 67 248 110 55-R 120 285 290.6

NOTES:  BWT is bodyweight in pounds.  Total is total pounds lifted.  Points are adjusted points for bodyweight and age.

Art’s Birthday Bash

by John McKean

Andraes and John McKean completing a 2 Man Jefferson Lift. Scott and Kathy Schmidt are in the background cheering on what may be the first grandpa/grandson straddle lift on record.

This past Friday my phone rang and there was Art Montini’s name on the screen. Either the ole man finally figured how to dial out with his telephone, or something was “up” concerning his birthday meet at the Ambridge VFW on Sunday! Answering, I heard Art loudly, excitement in his voice, ask “Guess who I just heard from?!”

“Well,I hope it’s not from one of your replacement specialists, demanding a recall of totally abused new body parts!” I commented.

“Naw”, barked Art, “you know if any of those medical types gives me hassles about lifting, then I just find a new doctor!! But DALE FRIESZ is driving up from Virginia to lift!!”

Sure enough, come Sunday morning,after a much longer hospital stay than ever before (and there’s been a bunch in his recent history), in popped an ever smiling Dale, thinner (hates hospital food!) and sporting a 1″ diameter rod where his lower leg used to be. Dale cracked up when I informed him that it was about time someone finally showed that had skinnier calfs than me!! Later,Dale broke records that, in his words, “normal” guys had set (I told Dale that he was never exactly “normal”, but we quickly agreed that no one in the gym that morning was!!)

Then a long lost Jim Malloy marched in, growling all the way (with his usual, unprintable choice of colorful language!) how he was only lifting on his hobbled old body because Scott Schmidt dragged him over from Cleveland! Scott brought along beautiful wife Kathy to lift and help haul ole Jim,kicking & sputtering, into the VFW gym.

Denny Habecker traveled from across the state with a restored old time superstar -the always personable Barry Bryan !Barry has been troubled with knee and back problems stemming back to the 90s, but now feels ready to embark on a master lifter’s all-round career.

To make matters even more interesting,  a brand new lifter, former “strongman” competitor Andy Root from nearby New Castle (PA), arrived with a whole team, and announced he would be attempting the Inman Mile! We told Andy to study Art,me, and the rest of this lineup of ” walking wrecks” present in the gym, because even on a classic, perfect weather  Autumn morning if he tried that Mile he’d shortly appear ,at 31, just like the rest of us when we scraped him off the local high school track!!(he says he’ll save the Inman Mile for the “team challenge” in March! I told him Big Al not only will judge it, but probably PAY to see the event!!) So , Andy wisely reconsidered and started his all-round career more sensibly -his first lift was the Shoulder Drop !

Youngest man in the contest, 6 year old Andraes McKean, starts out the festivities of our oldest US lifter's Annual Birthday Bash!

But the meet had everything: youngsters,open lifters,masters, females, teams, newbies, and interested onlookers!  It was a personal thrill to have our youngest lifter, my grandson,6 year old Andraes, to set a few records and become part (some of the wags present claimed he did ALL the lifting!) of a grandson/grandfather team effort ( a first??)on deadlifts, hacks, and straddles!

Even ole Art did some dynamic overhead snatching and jerking, along with other records, that startled everyone with his speed & agility; maybe the docs did remove some old ligaments and tendons (muscles if he ever had any!), still under the 100 year warranty plan, and provided better bionics for this meet!!

MEET RESULTS:

Art’s Birthday Bash
October 16th, 2011
Ambridge VFW Club
Ambridge, PA

Meet Director:  Art Montini

Lifts:  Record Day

Officials (3 official system used on all lifts):  Art Montini, Denny Habecker, Dennis Mitchell, John McKean, Dale Friesz, Scott Schmidt, Barry Bryan

Andraes McKean – 6 years old, 96.5# BW
45 KG Class, Male Junior 6-7 Age Group

Deadlift – Trap Bar (Trap Bar Deadlift): 29.55 KG, 65 lbs.
Deadlift – Fulton Bar (Two Hands Deadlift – 2 Inch Bar): 15.45 KG, 34 lbs.
Jefferson Lift – Fulton Bar (Straddle Deadlift – 2 Inch Bar): 15.45 KG, 34 lbs.
Vertical Bar Deadlift – 2″, 2 Bars (Two Vertical Bars – 2 inch rods): 21.82 KG, 48 lbs.
Vertical Bar Deadlift – 1 Bar, 2″, Right Hand (VB Lift – 2″ Rod): 10.91 KG, 24 lbs.

Angela Sweet – 31 years old, 129# BW
60 KG Class, Female Open Age Group

Bench Press – Feet on Floor (not USAWA lift): 61.36 KG 135 lbs.
Bench Press – Hands Together (Hands Together Bench Press): 50 KG, 110 lbs.
Bench Press – Reverse Grip (Reverse Grip Bench Press): 50 KG, 110 lbs.
Bench Press – Alternate Grip (Alternate Grip Bench Press): 50 KG, 110 lbs.

Jason Houk – 9 years old, 132# BW
60 KG Class, Male Junior 8-9 Age Group

Bench Press – Feet on Floor (not USAWA lift): 38.64 KG, 85 lbs.
Bench Press – Reverse Grip (Reverse Grip Bench Press): 36.36 KG, 80 lbs.
Curl – Strict (Strict Curl): 22.73 KG, 50 lbs.
Deadlift (not USAWA lift): 84.09 KG, 185 lbs.

Dale Friesz – 71 years old, 143.25# BW
70 KG Class,  Mens Master 70-74 Age Group

Deadlift – Fingers, Little (Little Fingers Deadlift): 33.18 KG, 73 lbs.
Deadlift – Fingers, Index (Index Fingers Deadlift): 33.64 KG, 74 lbs.
Deadlift – Fingers, Ring (Ring Fingers Deadlift): 55.23 KG, 122 lbs.
Finger Lift – Right Middle Finger: 44.55 KG, 98 lbs.

Dennis Mitchell – 79 years old, 152# BW
70 KG Class, Mens Master 75-79 Age Group

Deadlift – No Thumbs (Two Hands Thumbless Deadlift): 85 KG, 187 lbs.
French Press (French Press): 18.18 KG, 40 lbs.
Deadlift – Stiff Legged (Stiff Leg Deadlift): 86.36 KG, 190 lbs.

Kathy Schmidt – 54 years old, 159# BW
75 KG Class, Womens Master 50-54 Age Group

Deadlift – Dumbbell, Right Arm (Right Hand Dumbbell Deadlift): 37.5 KG, 82 lbs.
Deadlift – Dumbbell, Left Arm (Left Hand Dumbbell Deadlift): 37.5 KG, 82 lbs.
Deadlift – 2 Dumbbells (Two Hands Dumbbells Deadlift): 82.5 KG, 182 lbs.
Deadlift – Trap Bar (Trap Bar Deadlift): 82.5 KG, 182 lbs.

John McKean – 65 years old, 164.75# BW
75 KG Class, Mens Master 65-69 Age Group

Deadlift – No Thumbs (Two Hands Thumbless Deadlift): 115.45 KG, 254 lbs.
Deadlift – Ciavattone Grip (Ciavattone Deadlift): 131.36 KG, 289 lbs.
Bench Press – Alternate Grip (Alternate Grip Bench Press): 61.36 KG, 135 lbs.
Bench Press – Reverse Grip (Reverse Grip Bench Press): 56.82 KG, 125 lbs.
Vertical Bar Deadlift – 1 Bar, 2″, Right Hand (VB Lift – 2″ Rod): 63.18 Kg, 139 lbs.
Vertical Bar Deadlift – 1 Bar, 2″, Left Hand (VB Lift- 2″ Rod): 56.36 KG, 124 lbs.
Deadlift – Fulton Bar (Two Hands Deadlift – 2″ Bar): 90.91 KG, 200 lbs.
Jefferson Lift – Fulton Bar (Straddle Deadlift – 2″ Bar): 90.91 KG, 200 lbs.
Deadlift – 2 Bars (Two Barbell Deadlift): 140.45 KG, 310 lbs.

Andy Root – 31 years old, 176# BW
80 KG Class, Mens Open Age Group

Lano Lift (not IAWA lift): 45.45 KG, 100 lbs.
Turkish Get Up (Turkish Get Up): 29.55 KG, 65 lbs.
Shoulder Drop (Shoulder Drop): 45.45 KG, 100 lbs.

Art Montini – 84 years old, 190# BW
90 KG Class, Mens Masters 80-84 Age Group

Snatch – Fulton Bar (Two Hands Snatch – 2″ Bar): 25 KG, 55 lbs.
Clean and Press – Fulton Bar (2 Hands Clean and Press – 2″ Bar): 31.82 KG, 70 lbs.
Clean and Jerk – Fulton Bar (2 Hands Clean and Jerk – 2″ Bar): 34.09 KG, 75 lbs.
Deadlift – Fulton Bar, Ciavattone Grip (2 Hand Fulton Deadlift): 72.73 KG, 160 lbs.
Deadlift – Fulton Bar (2 Hands Deadlift – 2″ Bar): 90.91 KG, 200 lbs.

Denny Habecker – 69 years old, 191# BW
90 KG Class, Mens Masters 65-69 Age Group

Push Press – From Rack (Push Press from Racks): 70.45 KG, 155 lbs.
Curl – Dumbbell, Cheat, Left Arm (Left Hand Dumbbell Cheat Curl): 20.45 KG, 45 lbs.
Clean & Jerk – Dumbbell, Left Arm (Left Hand DB Clean & Jerk): 25 KG, 55 lbs.
Clean & Jerk, – Dumbbell, Right Arm (Right Hand DB Clean & Jerk): 34.09 KG, 75 lbs.
Snatch – Dumbbell, Left Arm (Left Hand DB Snatch): 25 KG, 55 lbs.

Barry Bryan – 53 years old, 195# BW
90 KG Class, Mens Masters 50-54 Age Group

Vertical Bar Deadlift – 1 Bar, 2″, Left Hand (VB Lift – 2″ Rod): 70 KG, 154 lbs.
Vertical Bar Deadlift – 2 Bars, 2″ (Two VBs – 2″ Rod): 117.27 KG, 258 lbs.
Bench Press – Reverse Grip (Reverse Grip Bench Press): 93.18 KG, 205 lbs.

Guy Marcantino, Jr. – 35 years old, 230# BW
105 KG Class, Mens Open Age Group

Bench Press – Feet on Floor (not USAWA Lift): 186.36 KG, 410 lbs.
Bench Press – Reverse Grip (Reverse Grip Bench Press): 143.18 KG, 315 lbs.
Bench Press – Hands Together (Hands Together Bench Press): 136.36 KG, 300 lbs.

Scott Schmidt – 58 years old, 240# BW
110 KG Class, Mens Master 55-59 Age Group

Press – From Rack, Behind Neck (Press Behind Neck from Rack): 75 KG, 165 lbs.
Seated Press – From Rack, Behind Neck (Seated Press BN from Rack): 70 KG, 154 lbs.
Vertical Bar Deadlift – 1 Bar, 2″, Left Hand (VB Lift – 2″ Rod): 80 KG, 176 lbs.
Vertical Bar Deadlift – 1 Bar, 2″, Right Hand (VB Lift – 2″ Rod): 80 KG, 176 lbs.

Jim Malloy – 70 years old, 241.5# BW
110 KG Class, Mens Masters 70-74 Age Group

Bench – Feet in Air (Bench Press – Feet in Air): 86.36 KG, 190 lbs.
Curl – Strict (Strict Curl): 45.45 KG, 100 lbs.
Curl – Reverse Grip (Reverse Curl): 34.09 KG, 75 lbs.
Vertical Bar Deadlift – 1 Bar, 2″, Right Hand (VB Lift – 2″ Rod): 58.64 KG, 129 lbs.
Vertical Bar Deadlift – 1 Bar, 2″, Left Hand (VB Lift – 2″ Rod): 42.73 Kg, 94 lbs.

Andreas McKean and John McKean
75 KG Class, Mens Open Age Group

Deadlift – 2 Man (Two Person Team Deadlift): 70 KG, 154 lbs.
Jefferson Lift – 2 Man (Two Person Straddle Deadlift): 70 KG, 154 lbs.
Hack Lift – 2 Man (Two Person Hacklift): 70 KG, 154 lbs.

Angela Sweet and Andy Root
80 KG Class, Male/Female Open Age Group

Deadlift – 2 Person (Two Person Team Deadlift): 295.45 KG, 650 lbs.

Jason Houk and Guy Marcantino
105 KG Class, Mens Open Age Group

Deadlift – 2 Man (Two Person Team Deadlift): 184.09 KG, 405 lbs.

Andy Root and Guy Marcantino
105 KG Class, Mens Open Age Group

Hack Lift – 2 Man (Two Person Hacklift): 370.45 KG, 816 lbs.

Dino Gym Challenge

by Al Myers

MEET ANNOUNCEMENT – THE DINO GYM CHALLENGE

English lifter Steve Andrews set a WORLD RECORD in the Dumbbell Clean and Jerk with a fine lift of 52.5 KG at the 2011 IAWA Gold Cup. Steve is the reigning British Single Arm Champion.

This is a meet that the Dino Gym has promoted for several years now (since 2004).  Unlike a lot of other meets in the USAWA where the same meet (with the same lifts) is done year after year, our meet is different every year with a different theme and different lifts.  Last year we promoted the VERY FIRST Old Time Strongman meet in the USAWA with great success.  We had 18 lifters take part which is the largest attended meet in the USAWA this year to date (tied with the National Championships which also drew 18 lifters).  Hopefully, this year will be just as big.  I have picked a different “theme” for this year – the SINGLE ARM CHALLENGE.   Several of our all round lifts are performed using only one arm, but never have we had just a meet made up with single arm lifts.  This will be a first in the USAWA.  Single Arm lifting is very popular in the IAWA(UK), and every year they promote the British Single Arm Championships.  This past year this meet was promoted by Frank Allen in his home town of Leicester, England (which also happens to be the site of the very first IAWA WORLD CHAMPIONSHIPS).  The lifts contested in this meet were the one arm snatch, the one arm clean & jerk, and the one arm deadlift.  Veteran English lifter Steve Andrews won this years competition.

I have always thought this was an interesting concept for  a meet.   I have decided to add a little more to the English version, and add a couple of other all round one arm lifts.  On top of this, I thought it would make for a REALLY interesting competition if the lifter would be required to do a lift with EACH ARM.  This way the most balanced one armed lifter would win, as a lifter couldn’t just rely on their strong arm for all the lifts.  So, all together 5 lifts, but 10 events.  It will be interesting to see the poundage differences lifted between each arm for each lifter.

THE DINO GYM PRESENTS – “the single arm challenge”

 Meet Director: Al Myers and the Dino Gym,  785-479-2264

Meet Date:  Saturday, January 14th, 2012,  10:00 AM – 4:00 PM

Location:  Dino Gym, 1126 Eden Road, Abilene, KS 67410

Sanction:  U.S.A.W.A    Memberships may be purchased on meet day.

Weigh-ins:  9:00-10:00 AM the day of the meet

Divisions:  Juniors, Women, Masters, and Open

Awards:  None

Entry: None & no entry deadline

Lifts:

Side Press – One Arm
Bench Press – One Arm
Snatch – One Arm
Clean and Jerk – One Arm
Deadlift – One Arm

(BOTH ARMS WILL BE CONTESTED IN EACH LIFT)

Registration:   Send entry to Al Myers, 1126 Eden Road, Abilene, Kansas 67410

For pdf entry form click here – DinoChallenge12

PLANETS ALIGN

BY DAVE GLASGOW

Dave (left) and Thom (right) enjoy an interesting conversation over a good meal following the 2011 Ledaig Record Day last summer. Dave put his new scales to use at this meet conducting weigh-ins at 12:00 AM the day of the meet (as required by the USAWA rules that weigh-ins must be on the same day). It was the only time I have EVER weighed in at midnight the day of the meet. His new scales were very accurate, and by having this early weigh-in we all could all enjoy breakfast! (photo and caption by Al Myers).

AROUND CHRISTMAS TIME LAST YEAR, I, UNFORTUNATELY, BECAME THE EXECUTER TO MY BROTHER’S ESTATE.  HE DIED VERY SUDDENLY WHICH THREW ME INTO A SOMEWHAT PRECARIOUS JACKPOT.  HOWEVER, HIS DEMISE IS NOT THE SUBJECT OF THIS STORY.  THIS IS A STORY ABOUT HOW, SOMETIMES, THE PLANETS ALL ALIGN AND THE NET RESULT IS YOU CAN MAKE SOMETHING GOOD COME FROM A SAD SITUATION.

AMONG MY BROTHER’S EFFECTS WERE HOUSEHOLD ARTICLES WHICH HE HAD, OBVIOUSLY, ACCUMULATED OVER THE YEARS.  MY DILEMMA WAS HOW TO BEST DISPERSE THESE ARTIFACTS!!  WE HAD BEEN SORTING AND CLEANING FOR SOME TIME.   HOWEVER IT GETS TO A POINT WHERE YOU HAVE TO GET RID OF THE ARTICLES AT HAND OR YOU FIND YOURSELF MOVING ITEMS FROM ONE ROOM TO THE OTHER WITHOUT GETTING ANYTHING ACCOMPLISHED.  SO, WHEN MY BELOVED WIFE OF 36 YEARS, GUNNER, TOLD ME THERE WAS TO BE AN AUCTION FOR THE CHURCH (SHE HAS ATTENDED TRINITY LUTHERAN CHURCH SINCE WE WERE MARRIED AND TAUGHT AT THE SCHOOL THERE FOR 25YEARS), WE BOTH DECIDED THAT DONATING A GOOD PORTION OF HIS ITEMS WOULD BE A GOOD THING ON SO MANY FRONTS!

HOWEVER, AFTER TWO MONTHS OF BEING  “REMINDED”  THAT THE AUCTION WAS COMING UP, IT WAS TO THE POINT THAT I WAS GROWING VERY WEARY OF HEARING ABOUT  THE CHURCH’S AUCTION.  FINALLY, THE DAY CAME TO GATHER THE GOODS AND GET THEM TO THE AUCTION SITE.  WITH THE HELP OF TWO TRUSTED FRIENDS AND GUNNER, WE TOOK THREE PICKUP TRUCKS FULL OF THINGS TO BE DONATED.  WE ARRIVED AT THE BARN WHERE THEY WERE HOLDING THE AUCTION AND QUICKLY UNLOADED OUR GOODS INTO THE CAVERNOUS BUILDING THAT WAS GROWING SMALLER BY THE MINUTE!  WHILE I WAS STANDING THERE LOOKING AT THE THINGS OTHER FOLKS BROUGHT, THE PASTOR STROLLS UP TO ME AND SAYS, “FEEL FREE TO COME ON SATURDAY AND TAKE SOME OF THIS STUFF OFF OUR HANDS!!”  I CHUCKLED AND MUMBLED SOMETHING ABOUT HAVING ENOUGH “STUFF”  TO LAST THE REST OF MY LIFE, WHEN, ALL AT ONCE, I GLANCE OVER AND SEE THREE MEDICAL QUALITY SCALES ON THE OPPOSITE WALL!!!  I HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR ONE OF THOSE FOR OVER A YEAR AND HERE STOOD THREE. HOLY HELL, BATMAN!!!!

I PRACTICALLY RAN TO THE SCALES AND GREETED THEM AS LONG LOST, TREASURED FRIENDS.

WELL, I BOUGHT ONE OF THEM ON THE SPOT!! HOWEVER, THAT IS JUST THE START OF THE STORY!  AS I WAS WALKING OVER TO PAY FOR THE RELEASE OF MY NEWLY ACQUIRED PAL, I HAPPENED TO LOOK DOWN AT MY FEET AND, TO MY SHOCK, AMAZEMENT AND UTTER DELIGHT, SPIED A YORK BARBELL  SET!!!  I LITERALLY POUNCED ON THOSE SHINING (YES, SHINING!) WEIGHTS, IN FEAR THAT SOMEONE ELSE WOULD SPOT THEM AND GET TO THEM BEFORE I COULD!  GET TO THEM THEY MIGHT!!  HOWEVER, NOT UNTIL THERE WAS ONE HELL OF A FIGHT!!  NOW, FORGET THE FACT THAT THE ONLY OTHER FOLKS THERE WERE EITHER WITH ME OR THE HANDFUL OF CHURCH PEOPLE SETTING THINGS UP!  NO, BY GOD, THIS CATCH WAS MINE!!  THIS PRISTINE YORK SET WAS OF THE ONE INCH, “EXERCISE”  WEIGHT VARIETY, WITH THE 5 FOOT BAR, ADJUSTABLE DUMBELLS, ADJUSTABLE  KETTLEBELL HANDLES AND THE WEIGHT BOOTS!!!   I  AM GUESSING IT IS OF THE 60s VINTAGE.  I WAS ALSO DUMBFOUNDED TO FIND THAT THERE SET THE ORIGINAL CANVAS AND LEATHER STRAPS FOR THE BOOTS!  I JUST KEPT REPEATING, “I CAN‟T BELIEVE THIS!! I CAN‟T BELIEVE THIS!!”

I RAN OVER TO MY BUDDIES (WHO ARE LIFTERS AND “GAMERS” AS WELL) AND SAID, “DUDES!!! COME HERE! COME HERE!!” I WAS SO EXCITED; I HAD GOOSE BUMPS ON MY ARMS!!  MY ONE FRIEND SAID, “MAN, YOU NEED TO RELAX! IT’S JUST A WEIGHT SET. ” OHHHH, THE HUMANITY!! WHAT A HERETICAL THING TO COME FROM THE MOUTH OF ONE OF THE BRETHREN!!!”  AS WE STOOD THERE ADMIRING MY BOUNTY, I COULD ALMOST HEAR THAT WEIGHT SET SAY, “WELL, IF IT AIN’T OLE’ DAVE, AFTER ALL THESE YEARS, COME TO TAKE US HOME AT LAST!”

TAKE YOU HOME, INDEED!!  JUST AS HARD AND FAST AS I POSSIBLY CAN!!   I CAN HARDLY WAIT TO SEE WHAT TREASURES SHOW THEMSELVES THE NEXT TIME THE PLANETS ALIGN!!

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