USAWA

by Al Myers

I sure understand why someone would conceal a freaky birth defect from their friends, so when Joe Garcia commented at the restaurant table following the meet last weekend to all of us that one of his middle fingers was 3/8″ longer than the other – I immediately called BS on him in front of everyone!!  To make matters worse, several other guys at the table chimed in with a few snickers at my defiant response.  It left Joe with a blank expression on his face, and I’m sure full of embarrassment that he told a deep, dark secret  about this physical abnormality of his (or maybe the look  was his astonishment that I didn’t believe him??).  I’ve heard of guys having one leg longer than the other and having to wear a special built-up shoe to balance out their walk, but till now I have NEVER heard of anyone having an extra long phalanx.

But I’m a big boy, and own up to things when I’m proved wrong.  Joe immediately held up both of his hands and INDEED the middle finger of his left hand is much longer than the middle finger of his right hand!  There were several witnesses to this scene, and I owe Joe an apology for not believing him.  That is the reason I’m writing this story – it’s my lame way of apologizing.  But then again, it also means I’m pointing out Joe’s genetic defect (in an otherwise perfect physical specimen) to the World.  However, I don’t think Joe wants to keep this a secret anymore, or he wouldn’t have told me about it.  This must be his way of getting the word out about his FREAKY FINGER, because I bet keeping this secret to himself all this time probably was becoming a terrible burden to bear.  It’s a good idea NEVER to tell someone who writes blogs for internet websites anything you want to keep secret, because it won’t be a secret for long. 

Joe’s deviated digit got me thinking about all the birth defects I’m glad I don’t have and the birth defects I would be alright having.  Having a mutated member like Joe has would give all kind of advantages to lifting weights.  Being able to hook-grip a 2″ bar would sure come in handy at times, and that extended extremity would sure help ya out on the finger lifts!  I suspect it was even an advantage to Joe when he did his World Record Hand and Thigh Lift (or maybe that is WHY it is longer – it got stretched out holding onto 1900 pounds???)  I will say this about Joe’s outstretched feeler, I doubt if the kids picked on him in school because of it.  Because if they did – he could give them the middle finger salute in GRAND STYLE!!