USAWA

by Thom Van Vleck

I found this list for gym “etiquette” on the internet.  As if it is not funny enough by itself, I have added my own comments.

1.  Don’t sit on a machine you’re using or when you’re between sets.  Let a fellow gym member “work in” (alternate) with you.  If someone else is using equipment that you have your eye on, feel free to say, “Mind if I work in with you?” It’s perfectly acceptable for you to change the weight setting or seat level; just be sure to restore them after your set. 

Thom sez:  First, if you’re using machines that is your first problem.  Second, if you did and some guy wants to work in then he better have the nads to say something better than “mind if I work in with you?” I would pimp slap him.

2.  Keep your grunting to a minimum.  Sure, a weight room isn’t a public library, but it’s not a championship wrestling arena, either. “Some of these guys scream like it’s the equivalent of male childbirth,” Gostigian says.  Loud noises not only distract other gym members but alert them to the fact that you’re lifting more weight than you can handle.

Thom sez:   I thought the whole idea of lifting weights was to lift more than you can handle so that you get stronger.  While I laugh at guys who grunt and groan with 225 on the squat I am pretty sure that I am not going to mess with the guy that screams while slamming 600 for 5.  I expect loud noises at a gym like I expect dead bats at an Ozzy Osbourne concert.  If you don’t like it, then don’t go and get a nordic track or one of those bowflex things. 

(webmaster’s comments:  The use of illustrations such as an Ozzy Osbourne concert, nordic track, and bowflex really shows your age Thom! But I do want to hear more about the concept of male childbirth. )

3.  Don’t tote around your gym bag.  That’s what lockers are for. “Gym bags on the floor are a hazard,” St. Michael says, ” Plus they take up space, and the gym’s crowded enough as it is.”

Thom sez:  My gym bag is my armor and weapons supply.  It is a part of me.  I knew a cop that carried a 9 mm in his gym bag (not sure why).  Besides, locker rooms aren’t safe.

4.  Don’t drop your weights.  When you’re finished using a set of dumbbells, gently place them on the ground. “I’ve seen people drop their dumbbells from four feet in the air,” Tucson trainer Steve Canis says.  “It’s a macho thing.” It’s also a dangerous thing; the weights can bounce around and break someone’s toes.

Thom sez: Good Lord!!!!!  You try setting a 600 pound deadlift down like a feather or a pair of 100 pound dumbbells after a set of cheat curls.  I don’t know about you, but I give it all to the lift with little regard to leave a little to treat the weights like fine china.

(webmaster’s comments:  dumbbell cheat curls????  REALLY???  You do those????)

5.  Keep your sweat to yourself.  Carry a towel and wipe off the equipment when you’re finished.  “Some people leave a puddle of sweat on the bench they’ve just used – it’s disgusting,” Gostigian says.

Thom sez:  Sweating….in the gym… how uncouth.  How are you supposed to clean it up when you ain’t got your gym bag?  I guess you could cover your body in “Secret”.

(webmaster’s comments:  I’ve lifted with you before, and the use of a little deodorant would help a little with your BO.  It doesn’t make you less of a man to abandon the smell.)

6.  Unload your weight bar.  Don’t assume that the next person who comes along has the ability or desire to clean up after you.  “A lot of guys leave heavy weight plates on a barbell and then walk away,” Gostigian says. “But for most people, just lifting those 45 pound weights is a challenge.” By the same token, a guy bench pressing 225 pounds isn’t going to want to bother removing someone’s 10 pound weight plates.

Thom sez:  If somebody leaves the bar loaded up, then that’s wrong, but if I ever walk into the gym and say, “Hey, who left these 10’s on the bar?” Who’s going to claim that?  Maybe the 13 year old in the corner mortified beyond belief?  “Hey, kid, maxin’ out again??”

NEXT ISSUE, PART TWO  OF GYM ETIQUETTE.

CREDIT:  Braemar Stone Tablet, Volume #3, Issue #1