Just for Laughs: Gym Etiquette Part 2

by Thom Van Vleck

Here is the rest of the list of Gym Etiquette that I made fun of last issue.

7.  Don’t hog the drinking fountain.  “If you have seven people waiting in line behind you, don’t start filling up your two gallon jug,” St. Michael says.

Thom sez: You want some water, pansy?  Then come and get it ’cause it’s cold, tasty, and quite satisfying here at the head of the line!!!  And my gallon jug ain’t full yet!

(Webmasters note:  and THAT explains why you are always ALSO standing in line for the toilet instead of lifting!)

8.  Observe the gym’s time limits on the cardiovascular equipment. Many clubs restrict you to 20 or 30 minutes on the treadmills, bikes, and stairclimbers during rush hour.

Thom sez:  Cardio-what? Never heard of it.  Oh, that.  Well that’s why God invented the internal combustion engine and the elevator.  I did enough “cardio” in the Marine Corps to last me for the rest of my life.  I did my lungs enough of a favor by never smoking. 

(Webmasters note:  Your satire is starting to rival that of Bill Clark!!!)

9.  Return your weights to the rack.  If you leave dumbbells on the floor, someone may trip over them, or the weights may roll onto someone’s toes.  Be sure to place them back in their proper spots.  No one should have to waste 10 minutes hunting for the 15 pound dumbbells, only to find them sitting between the 40s and the 50s.

Thom sez:  I usually find the hundreds right were I left them the last time I used them, but for the guy looking for the 15’s…..well he can just consider that part of his cardio work!!! 

10.   Exercise courtesy in the locker room.  Don’t take up three lockers and spread your clothing over an entire bench, forcing other people to put on their socks while standing up.  “People will rip off their sweaty clothes and run into the shower, leaving their undergarments all over the place,” St. Micheal says.

Thom sez:  I can’t help it if my shoulders are that wide (or my butt), but they really should make those damn lockers bigger.  And any one that uses the term “undergarments” needs to be pimp slapped.  Do you think “St. Micheal” is his real name or is it Ernie Abramowitz who had to go Hollywood to get some respect?

(Webmasters note:  I got a good story about a guy I know who would leave his dirty “undergarments” laying around at other people’s houses. He would just go home and leave his stinky undershorts under the bed.  But I’m not going to give out his name as to avoid embarrassment. )

11.   Be courteous in exercise classes.  Don’t show up late or distract the class by creating your own workout routine.  And play nice! ” In New York City, people will get in fights over spinning bikes,” Gostigian says. “It turns into a boxing class instead of a cycling class”

Thom sez:  One time my uncle was challenged by a boxer who told him he was going to teach him a lesson that weightlifting makes you slow.  My uncle waited until the other guy put his gloves on and then kicked his A$$ bare fisted WWF style.  I assume this part of New York City is not Greenwich Village. And PLEASE…..exercise class…. do I need to comment?

12.   Watch where you’re going.  “People are oblivious to what’s going on around them, “St. Micheal says.  “Sometimes when I’m doing lateral movements for my shoulders, someone will walk right by me and I’ll almost hit them. Weight lifting should not be a contact sport”.

Thom sez:  These are just getting better and better.  So are you then supposed to turn around and say, “Pardon me, but do you have any Grey Poupon?” Where I come from the guy lifting has the right of way if you are dumb enough to walk under a 500 lb squat then please say hello to the accountant on the first floor when the bar drops on your little pin head and rams it down there. 

TRUE STORY:  I used to work out with this guy that owned the gym we worked out in so he could abuse the hell out of his own equipment.  One day he was doing deadlifts (on the second story of an old warehouse converted to office space) and dropping them from arms length at the end of each rep.  Since he could DL over 700 lbs he was hitting a 5.6 on the richter scale.  Suddenly this little old lady showed up madder than a wet hen and covered in bits of plaster.  It seems that the landlord had finally rented the downstairs office space right below the lifting platform.  The new drop ceiling they had just put in had collapsed on this lady and her first client.  The office was a mess and my buddy was less than sorry.  Nothing like having a dozen muscle heads coming down just to laugh at your misfortune.  The landlord had warned her that there was a gym upstairs and that it might bet a “little” loud sometimes.  I guess her client was pretty shook up and ran out.

CREDIT: Braemar Stone Tablet, Volume #3, Issue #2

Just for Laughs: Lifting Etiquette

by Thom Van Vleck

I found this list for gym “etiquette” on the internet.  As if it is not funny enough by itself, I have added my own comments.

1.  Don’t sit on a machine you’re using or when you’re between sets.  Let a fellow gym member “work in” (alternate) with you.  If someone else is using equipment that you have your eye on, feel free to say, “Mind if I work in with you?” It’s perfectly acceptable for you to change the weight setting or seat level; just be sure to restore them after your set. 

Thom sez:  First, if you’re using machines that is your first problem.  Second, if you did and some guy wants to work in then he better have the nads to say something better than “mind if I work in with you?” I would pimp slap him.

2.  Keep your grunting to a minimum.  Sure, a weight room isn’t a public library, but it’s not a championship wrestling arena, either. “Some of these guys scream like it’s the equivalent of male childbirth,” Gostigian says.  Loud noises not only distract other gym members but alert them to the fact that you’re lifting more weight than you can handle.

Thom sez:   I thought the whole idea of lifting weights was to lift more than you can handle so that you get stronger.  While I laugh at guys who grunt and groan with 225 on the squat I am pretty sure that I am not going to mess with the guy that screams while slamming 600 for 5.  I expect loud noises at a gym like I expect dead bats at an Ozzy Osbourne concert.  If you don’t like it, then don’t go and get a nordic track or one of those bowflex things. 

(webmaster’s comments:  The use of illustrations such as an Ozzy Osbourne concert, nordic track, and bowflex really shows your age Thom! But I do want to hear more about the concept of male childbirth. )

3.  Don’t tote around your gym bag.  That’s what lockers are for. “Gym bags on the floor are a hazard,” St. Michael says, ” Plus they take up space, and the gym’s crowded enough as it is.”

Thom sez:  My gym bag is my armor and weapons supply.  It is a part of me.  I knew a cop that carried a 9 mm in his gym bag (not sure why).  Besides, locker rooms aren’t safe.

4.  Don’t drop your weights.  When you’re finished using a set of dumbbells, gently place them on the ground. “I’ve seen people drop their dumbbells from four feet in the air,” Tucson trainer Steve Canis says.  “It’s a macho thing.” It’s also a dangerous thing; the weights can bounce around and break someone’s toes.

Thom sez: Good Lord!!!!!  You try setting a 600 pound deadlift down like a feather or a pair of 100 pound dumbbells after a set of cheat curls.  I don’t know about you, but I give it all to the lift with little regard to leave a little to treat the weights like fine china.

(webmaster’s comments:  dumbbell cheat curls????  REALLY???  You do those????)

5.  Keep your sweat to yourself.  Carry a towel and wipe off the equipment when you’re finished.  “Some people leave a puddle of sweat on the bench they’ve just used – it’s disgusting,” Gostigian says.

Thom sez:  Sweating….in the gym… how uncouth.  How are you supposed to clean it up when you ain’t got your gym bag?  I guess you could cover your body in “Secret”.

(webmaster’s comments:  I’ve lifted with you before, and the use of a little deodorant would help a little with your BO.  It doesn’t make you less of a man to abandon the smell.)

6.  Unload your weight bar.  Don’t assume that the next person who comes along has the ability or desire to clean up after you.  “A lot of guys leave heavy weight plates on a barbell and then walk away,” Gostigian says. “But for most people, just lifting those 45 pound weights is a challenge.” By the same token, a guy bench pressing 225 pounds isn’t going to want to bother removing someone’s 10 pound weight plates.

Thom sez:  If somebody leaves the bar loaded up, then that’s wrong, but if I ever walk into the gym and say, “Hey, who left these 10’s on the bar?” Who’s going to claim that?  Maybe the 13 year old in the corner mortified beyond belief?  “Hey, kid, maxin’ out again??”

NEXT ISSUE, PART TWO  OF GYM ETIQUETTE.

CREDIT:  Braemar Stone Tablet, Volume #3, Issue #1

Lack of News

by Al Myers

Everyone was amazed when Thom opened with a World Record attempt in the sheep toss.

The “dog days” of summer are upon us, and with that has come a lull in USAWA News.  We have hashed over the National Championships enough already, and it’s time to put that behind us.  I have said all I can say about the changes that were instigated at the Annual National Meeting.  I must be going through a “writers block” because for the first time I can’t think of any interesting topics to write about.  Not that my stories are all that interesting anyhow, but at least they fill the pages of the USAWA Daily News with something.   I really thought by now I would be receiving “stories by the bucket loads” from those wanting to see their words of wisdom in print on this website and I could just sit back and be the editor, and enjoy the “good life” of being in charge of what makes it to the press!  It doesn’t seem to be working out that way, and now I could use a break.  So until things pick up (and they will with the busy fall all round schedule in front of us) I’m going to be doing a couple weeks of “reruns” here in the USAWA Daily News.  AND NO – I’m not going to be that lazy to rerun prior website stories, but instead some old articles that were in the Braemar Stone Tablet.  The BST (short for Braemar Stone Tablet) was a newsletter published for around a half dozen years by none other than Thom Van Vleck covering several subjects of interest, with the intent being on the Highland Games.  It often contained good stories on training that could be applied to an All Rounder, stories covering different Highland Games, and stories containing Thom’s  attempts at humor (I found some of them funny, but then I share Thom’s sense of humor!!).  I even asked Thom if this would be acceptable to him for me to “rerun” these stories, and he has given me his permission to do so.  It was big of me to ask, because when it comes to Thom  I usually don’t  do that!   For those 25 people who were subscribers to the BST I apologize for this redundancy of material, and if you want to take a couple weeks break from the USAWA Website as well as me, you have my permission. 

Consider this a “vacation” for the USAWA Daily News.

Mail Order Muscles

by Dennis Mitchell

Joe Bonomo

Many old time strongmen supplemented their income by offering a muscle building course by mail.  The most successful being Charles Alas.  A contemporary of Charles Atlas was Joe Bonomo.  He learned the mail order muscle business from Charles.  Joe Bonomo was born in Coney Island on December 25, 1901.   His parents were Al and Esther Bonomo, who ran an ice cream and candy shop on Coney Island.  Due to his father’s business, Joe had a very sweet but nutritionally poor diet.  In spite of lots of ice cream, candy, and other sweets, Joe was a very skinny child and had the nick name of toothpick.  Joe was pretty much of a loner and spent a lot of time exploring the attractions of Coney Island, Dreamland, and Luna Park.  He was fascinated by the various carnival attractions.  It was while exploring the various attractions that he met, Ladeslaw, a Polish strong man.  Ladeslaw took a liking to Joe,and told him that he could become strong if he would work hard, start eating right, and have a positive attitude.  Following the Strongman’s advice, Joe rapidly went from “Tooth pick” to the school’s star football player, and a very good gymnast.  Living on Coney Island Joe met every strong man and wrestler who came to perform, including Eugene Sandow, and Charles Atlas who became his friend and mentor.  There were also people from many other attractions, including movie stars, dancers, and show people.  He grew up in a world glamor and make believe.  He felt that to be a success he would combine his physical, mental, and spiritual abilities.

This was one of the many books written by Joe Bonomo in order to give lifting pupils "mail order muscles".

After he graduated from school he entered a talent search for “The Modern Apollo”.  With the help and guidance of Charles Atlas he was able to beat out over 5,000 other contestants and won a part in a motion picture.  This led to parts in many motion pictures as both an actor and as a stunt man.  He even played the part of Tarzan in 1928 movie.  He became so popular that he had to hire people to help him answer his fan mail.  Much of his mail was requesting information on how he developed his body.  This was the beginning of his mail order muscle building courses.  With the advent of the talkies (Joe had only acted in silent movies) Joe, even with voice and elocution lessons could not get rid of his Brooklyn accent.  Sadly his stunt man career ended when he broke his hip in a car crash scene.  He had broken thirty seven bones during his stunt man career.  Leaving the glamor life of Hollywood was very hard for Joe.  More adversary followed when Charles Ludwig, the man who ran Joe’s mail order muscle building business, died.  Shortly after, Joe’s father also passed away.  Joe took over running both businesses.  Always looking for new ventures Joe teamed up with Tony Bruno, a well known Hollywood photographer.  They settled in New York and put out a magazine called Beautify your Figure.  This was in 1939.  It was so successful that they published another magazine called Figure Beautiful.  It not only had information on diet and exercise, but also skin care, dancing instructions, social instruction, and information on romance and feminine fulfillment, and most important, how to have an alluring bust.  He also published many “Mini-books”, which were small size books that could fit in your pocket.  They sold for twenty five cents.  They covered muscle building, make up, how to be a better host, birth control, the evils of drug use,  and how to simplify house work.  Some of his books stayed in print for thirty tears.  One of his last books was, “What I Know About Women, By Joe Bonomo”.  It contained sixty four blank pages. He continued publishing into the 1970’s, until the Joe Weider publications overtook him.

Joe Bonomo, man of many talents, died in Los Angeles March 20,1979.

Training with Friends

by Al Myers

Thom and I lifting the previous "unliftable" Combine Axle on a Tuesday night workout.

I am very fortunate by having great training partners.   We may only all train together as a full group a couple of times per week, but these are the days I look forward to the most.   A good training partner will bring out the best in you (and vice versa a bad training partner will pull you down), because during the workout you don’t want to let them down by giving nothing but your best effort.  I do several of my weekly workouts by myself, and I can tell you from experience, when “things are going good” you can have great workouts by yourself, it is just on those days that you are not feeling in top form that your workouts will suffer when training by yourself.  The Dino Gym is a family – we support each other even when one of us is not having our best day, and usually before the workout is over, the workout takes a turn for the better and this lifter ends up having a great workout.  This is what good training partners should do – help one another and in turn get that extra encouragement back when needed.  Often when one of us is getting ready for a big lift or set, everyone will stop lifting and just spend all our energy supporting the lifter on the platform.  I get “a rush” when someone else gets a big lift or personal record, just as if I had done it myself!

This past week I got to work out with my good friend Thom Van Vleck.  Thom and I only get to train together once or twice per year because Thom lives 8 hours from me (he says it is only 6 hours, but I don’t believe him).  We put aside our rival gym differences when training together, and ALWAYS have a great workout.  Just recently I acquired a very large combine axle with a solid shaft of over 3.5 inches.  My father found it in his scrape iron pile and  brought it down to me using his front end loader tractor, and dumped it in front of the gym.  It was much larger than what I had imagined, and I  knew that it would beyond what any normal man could lift, so I didn’t even weigh it.  I “guessed” it to be in the 800-1200# range based on the strain it was putting on the loader when it was set down.   Several gym guys have looked at it, including many strongman who showed up for my strongman competition a couple of weeks ago.  You KNOW it must have been an intimidating sight because it was in front of the gym for 3 weeks and NOT ONCE did anyone put their hands on it, or try to lift it.  When Thom and I started our workout, I TOLD Thom that we were going to lift that HUGE combine axle tonight, as a joint 2 man team.  I was trying to portray confidence that we could do it, but secretly I had my doubts (especially with his end, haha).  On top of the weight, the grip was going to be problem.  Thom agreed (because he knew I would not let him forget about wimping out if he didn’t).  We warmed up with some heavy Trap Bar Deadlifts, and then took our shot at being the first to lift what seemed previously like an unliftable object.  Relief soon rushed though our muscles as it came to lockout without an overdose of strain on either of our parts. 

Experiences and memories like this is what has me “hooked” on weight training.  So there is my advice of the day – enjoy your workouts, enjoy your training partners, and take the time to test your strength in unusual ways.  And THAT is what it should be all about!

1 … 370 371 372 373 374 … 496